Cracks in the mask

Been saving up energy on my generator. The dark skies these days don't help at all. Only recently did I get enough juice to even consider risk using the computer.

Confined to my home, I've been trying to reach out to others through the phone. It still works, even though I haven't been up to date with the bills. I'm not complaining though.

But I do complain, just not about the phone service, although it's been virtually useless. I call, but they don't pick up. Ring. Ring. Until that recorded voice tells me to give up. No one calls back.

Sleep has been bad. I wake up in sweat, or lie awake in sweat. One happens as often as the other. Been having stressful dreams. The man invades them. I thought he was behind me, a thing of the past. I was wrong. I don't want to be wrong. I just want to rest.

I enjoyed the isolation, the quietness. But enough. Don't do this. I don't know how much more of this front I can put up. I used to write frequently on another blog. But it's meaningless to don a mask if no one sees the mask anymore, or if there's no one left to hide from. But the mask is crucial. It's been so much a part of me. A skin of sanity. I have to save what I can. Save "face".

Pitched into darkness

Without warning, the lights were out. Actually, there had been warnings. Countless phone calls, and finally, as I only discovered recently, a warning through the post. They cut off my electricity.

I don't remember the exact day this happened. It's been a while now. The fridge had been room temperature for the past day or two now, and things are beginning to smell. I've tried to clear it out before the food spoiled, but at the same time I need to save some for later.

I've still been resting at home most of these days, not that it helped. My abdomen still hurts, though not any more severe than before. That's the only thing I can take comfort in as far as this is concerned.

I went out to my workplace today to try and fix the problem. I bought one of those solar power generators. No longer on sale, it cost me around $70 with my discount. I also told them I couldn't come back to work just yet because of my injury, and they seemed rather displeased. But what can I do.

It was a real pain lugging that thing back home. Took a while to get enough juice into it to run my desktop. Here I am now. Still alive. More than I can say about the houseplants though...